What God Sees

Yesterday I received a devotional that talked about how mom was made in the image of God. It talked about who I am. It you want to see the original devotional. It really got me thinking about me why.

I've always struggled with my self image. My mom while she would talk like I was walking on water when we were out would always make fun of me when we were in. I was never skinny enough, popular enough, doing the correct activities, blonde enough, pretty enough, etc. She was also a single mom. She did the best she could do with the resources she had but we couldn't afford brand names. I remember being made fun of for my shoes or my clothes, but I knew she loved me in her own way.

Because she always was critical on my image I would do anything to get others to like me. I was a people pleaser. Since she was always saying there was something wrong with me and that I would never have friends because of x I started to do anything to get people to like me. The result was that by the end of college I had no clue who I was.

I would be one person to one set of friends and a completely different person to another. I walked on egg shells anytime two groups of friends had to meet.

Through this I had one friend who would show me God's love without stuffing down my throat. She would be subtle like asking me to come over in the morning and when I showed up she would be doing a devotional. When I asked her what she was doing on Wednesday evening she would say going to church with the youth group.

I never realized how many seeds she planted during the early years of our friendship. I do remember being 5 years into my PhD, newly married and wondering where the heck my life was going. I didn't want a Ph.D. The only reason I was going to get my Ph.D. was my mom wanted my to be a Doctor. I remember the day I came home and told my husband I'm quitting. He was shocked that I was finally doing something for myself.

Two years later I found myself holding my brand new baby girl. I had never loved something so completely. I picked her up and cradled her and remember thinking there is something more to this world then just chasing people.

A month later a friend invited me to MOPS. I said yes ad started a journey that I never even knew I needed. I learned who God was. I learned that he loved me no matter what I looked like or what I did. Of course you didn't want to sin, but we were all born sinners and we didn't have to be perfect. This thought was so freeing. I gave my life to Jesus and haven't looked back.

Since becoming a Christian I've still had trials in my life but now I could deal with them better. I remember the day the twins were born at 27 weeks. The old me would have panicked. The new me knew that God's got this and I just needed to have faith.

While outwardly I was saying that inwardly I was eating and eating and eating. I remember justifying it by saying I was breastfeeding twins. I was only fooling myself. After 60 days they came home from the NICU and 30 days later we moved. That winter became my downfall. I hardly left the house. A was 2. I was breastfeeding B and C. It was RSV season so we couldn't leave the house and I just became a blimp.

In 2012 I started reading a book that told me God loved me no matter what I looked like. That it wasn't about the number on the scale, but I needed to do something as my body was a temple of God. So I started this journey.

This is my why. I want others to know they are loved no matter where they are.  I want to serve others. I want others to know they are heard and understood. I would love others to see my success and see they could do it for themselves. I want others to realize as moms we can do something for ourselves and become better for our families.

I ask what this devotional asks "What does God see when he looks at you?" I hope when he looks at me he sees someone who wants to do everything for his glory. I also hope that he is happy about my temple. Please leave a comment in the comment section about what you think God sees when he looks at you. Thanks for reading.