Letter to my 16 Year Old Self

I was challenged to write a letter to my younger self. I decided to pick my 16 year old self. It was a time in my life when I was most out of control. It was a time in my life where so many decisions led me down a dark path that I never recovered from until the last five years or so. It was a time when I should have been living the dream but instead was stuck in a horrible reality.

17 year old me

 Dear 16 year old Kara

I know that sometimes you feel invisible. Your are constantly surround by people yet you don't feel truly loved. I know you'll do anything to please anyone you come in to contact with. I know you don't know any different as this is how you were taught. Quit trying to push people away. Instead start to try and make at least one friend for life. You'll look back and be sad at the opportunities you let pass by. You'll also wish that you could go back and really cultivate the friendships you did have.

I know you feel like a failure because on the outside you are constantly being told how awesome your are doing when inside you are being told you suck. You are being taught to grow up way before it is your time. You need time to be a kid. Try enjoying your time with your friends.

I know that you feel like you have to do all those activities (like dance, drill team and cheerleading) because if not you'll let your mom down. I know you hate them. Speak up and tell her you hate them. Follow what you truly want to do.  

I know that you smoke and smoke a lot. Quit now while it is easy. No one likes you because you smoke. You may think it is cool and people do but you are just pushing people away. It is a nasty habit. It is making you sick. It is hurting your lungs and causing your asthma. Quit now instead of ten years from now.

I know that you are being taught that guys suck. That they are only good for one thing and that is for kids and money. That they aren't there for a relationship. Guys aren't bad. God has a special one picked out for you. He will bring him into your life in the perfect time. This man will teach you things about yourself that you never knew. He will build you up if you submit to him like the bible tells you to. I just wish you could have waited for this special person.

I know that you have had sex before now and will continue to do so. You don't feel loved at home so you try to find love anywhere. Those "boys" don't love you.  They are only using you. They will never truly love you. Walk away! You are better than them. You have so much of a future to look forward to.

I know that during this year you will have an abortion. That it isn't what you want. That being adopted you would like to take a different path but you won't have a choice. I wish you would speak up for that choice but know you won't. I know you won't be able to talk about it. I also know you will just stuff it down with everything else you want to say. You need to process this. Find someone to talk to. Forgive now. Don't harbor all that regret and bitterness into your 30s.

Despite all these challenges life will turn out better than you'll ever imagine. This will all be God's plan for your life. These trials He will use to help so many others in the future. He will use them to be able to tell others of his goodness and faithfulness. He'll also use it to show what a transformation can be like when you believe in Him and Jesus.

You are loved. You aren't alone. You don't need to be a people pleaser. You don't need to do everything that people want you to do. Start talking now. Find someone you trust.

Love,

Your almost 35 year old self